Come along with me…

I am the Horny Time Traveler. I am a writer and editor for erotic magazines, aka “porno,” and I came up with this name for a column I’m writing for the adult publication Gallery. In that column, I “travel” back in time through girlie magazines, looking at the pictures, reading the articles, and sharing my discoveries with the readers.

Funny that it took me so long to dream up that name—for weeks I kept thinking, “What would I call a column about viewing history through the pages of old cheesecake magazines??” I discarded a lot of possibilities before “The Horny Time Traveler” suddenly popped into my head. But maybe what’s obvious about ourselves is what eludes us the most. Because it’s a pretty accurate designation of who I am…or at least MUCH of who I am…

Sure, I exist in the present-—2009—but my mind is often somewhere else. I like the way young women look today, their faces and bodies are great, terrific shape, organic, green, wholesome, pasteurized, homogenized, low carbon footprint, what have you—but still, they don’t seem like a match for the beauties of earlier eras. The females of the past—and to me, the past ended around 1965—were gorgeous beyond compare. So I watch a lot of vintage movies, and look at vintage magazines of many kinds, and read vintage paperbacks, and it almost makes me feel that I can leave the present for a journey back in time…

I spent the day working on my latest column, looking at magazines from way back in the mid-50s, while my DVR was recording TCM’s showing of Executive Suite, a William Holden/Barbara Stanwyck melodrama from 1954. I’ll probably watch it after I finish writing here…

Here’s something strange. I just discovered a marvelous blog called Vintage Scans, which showcases all sorts of beautiful retro images, and a little while ago while I was on there I found a cartoon that was published on the very day I was born—October 27. 1951. What a cute doll in that picture…it would be worth building a time machine to go back and meet someone like her…


I must sound a little like the wistful character in that E.A. Robinson poem “Miniver Cheevy,” who always dreamed about going back to the historical eras of his choice—when knights were bold and all that. Well, there were cute gals back then, too. Did you ever see Janet Leigh portray a medieval damsel in Prince Valiant? She was even better as a Dark Ages dame in The Vikings, and moving up in history to the 18th century, I’m still recovering from the images of her wonderful face and cinched waist in the swashbuckler Scaramouche!

Published in: on January 7, 2009 at 2:40 am  Leave a Comment  
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